CrimzonAeternis

- No Rules -

Protons, hadrons,
leptons, and futons,
Gods, clods, and shocking rods,
can do, can't do,
will do, won't do,
Flimsy constructs, concepts which bind nothing, empty
There are no rules but those I make.

2011-04-13
~km~

I have gotten tired of photography and the arts and well... everything related to them.

I am selling all my camera equipment, including the 5D Mk II.


*sniff*

~km~

Times can be difficult from some, including yours truly. There are some that reinterate the concept that one needs to suffer if one intends to be an artist, which is, or course, complete bollocks. Besides that topic though, I have been finding life to be just... challenging, shall we say?

There are a few extremely talented and wonderfully gifted artists I follow here at DeviantArt, such as , , and . Sometimes I simply wish that I were at their level, in a manner of speaking. While it may be that none of them are in art or photography textbooks, they appear to be quite successful, at least from what I see.

This is not an intent to cast to wrong light on these fantastic people, far from it. However it does allude to a bit of envy that I have. No, their efforts are rewarded with their successes and they have earned them as such.

It's just that, sometimes I wonder when my turn will come around.

I am aware that such accomplishment requires hard work, tenacious dedication, and unrestrained ambition, but ... it can be incalculably and unquantifiably (is that even a word?) distressing, discouraging, and disheartening when challenged with door after door being slammed in one's face and told, "no".

I've learned that, forgive me I have forgotten his name, but, Dr. Seuss was turned down by some 65 or so publishers before he finally found a party that would risk printing his work to sell to the public. I wonder if he had to survive off of Top Ramen or porridge or whatever was available until he got that successful break. I can only imagine.

All I can do is keep trying and try harder and then harder yet. The responsibility of supporting certainly has an impact on the sacrifices that are involved. At this point I find myself applying for work and pay that I never remotely suspected I would look for and even then, being told, "No" regarding the most menial of professions (and I am using the word, "profession" here with extreme liberty).

Perhaps there is a light at the end of this long tunnel; for that I can only hope and pray (and I am not the praying type). There logically must be something, someone, or somewhere that I have not yet pushed or prodded; I simply have not yet struck upon that avenue just yet. And yet, I cannot just give up; I have an ambition to fulfill, a career to wrangle, and a family to take care of.

Perhaps I write this for a few viewers who pass through, perhaps it is more for myself. Regardless, I have much to ponder and reflect upon.

   - ken  mcfarland -
      photographer

~ Good evening. I'd like to talk to you tonight about the place of the nude in my bed... um... in the history of my bed... of art, of art, I'm sorry. - Art Critic (Michael Palin, Monty Python) ~

You know, it just occurred to me that I shoot a lot of nudes. I don't mean just now and then but I mean a whole lot of my work the past couple of years involve nudity to one degree or another (usually a large degree). This is additionally interesting when I consider I really do not work that much in figure studies, as would be typical (I leave that talent to a friend, Wendy).

Does it mean something? Does it mean nothing? Does it mean ANYTHING? Who knows.

Perhaps I am just overthinking my style as of late. Then again, how else would I progressively develop it further if I didn't recognize it, no?

But yeah.... lots of nekkid people. Weird. . .

~km~

Shooting again, for real this time around. Just finished up my first studio shoot in what is far too long.

Feels good... more to come.

- me -